Today, I want to talk to those currently going through a change in life. Life changes are hard; feeling sad, tired, dumb, doubtful—or a combination of them all—is normal and okay. So cut yourself some slack.

This is not going to be another “you just need more discipline” post. This is an actual tool that I use every single day.

Maybe you’ve just started a new business and you’re already dealing with a difficult client, or maybe you’ve just started to lose weight but really want that donut. So much. You desperately want a high-paid job, but you have to study and prepare, which means less time for other fun things, and yes, preparing is hard.

If you’re that person, close your eyes (well, actually close them after you finish reading the next paragraph)

Take as long as you need to recollect the moment or experience that drove a change in you and jot down your feelings and emotions. If you don’t have a particular moment, try to remind yourself before making that decision.

If you’re losing weight, perhaps it was the moment you looked in the mirror and felt terrible—maybe sad, angry. Or if you’re looking for a new job, it might be the time you felt unfulfilled or not recognized and how that makes you feel.

Ready?

Introducing Pain-choose reminder

My tool assumes that no matter what, you’re always going to face challenges and are responsible for the choice you make regarding which challenges and their attendant pain.

Now, compare your former pain to your present pain and ask yourself: if you could only choose one of these two pains, what pain would you like to choose? Next, decide on a range:

A. No value B. It is all worthwhile.

A) If you feel the pain you are experiencing today is better than what was, you have been on the right path. Think of that and remind yourself that you decide the pain to go through. Feeling tired or sad is all fine as it clearly shows you are better off and ahead.

B) If you decide it’s not worth it, it could just mean that you’re not on the path you really want. But be careful here and don’t declare that “it’s not worth it” just because it’s hard.

If you’re in the middle you might find you want to take a few more minutes with the exercise. Take a walk and take the time to see your past self. But remember: The current pain has to be something that you decide to take.

It helps to remind oneself why one’s decision came about—why that change—every time one is in pain.

This post might need a bit more work and structure, but it’s all I can write for today.

See you tomorrow.